I worry beyond reason,
Past remembrance of why,
I believe I control what browbeats me,
Look for explanations where none exist.
Disclaiming this illusion
allowances appear,
No course is plotted,
Novel surprise,
Next torment arrives.
Worrying is a learned behavior. But once it is acquired it’s a difficult habit to break. Even if you believe you’re not concerned about something, it’s still waiting to pounce from the sidelines.
Looking back on my life, and the needless concern I placed upon different things, it was wasted inertia. Instead of being sick I could have been enjoying myself. I am trying to retrain my mind to discard it. But it’s been a useful friend, making me feel I had some control over the chaos of the moment. So, I’ll give this old pal a cup of coffee if it shows, a pat on the head, and send it away when I can.
It would be wonderful to own a crystal ball and know the end result of everything. But that would be boring. Even if I’m scared, I don’t have to know what’s next. It could be a wonderful surprise, exciting. But then I’m too addicted to results.
There is a story I remember about a man being chased by a tiger. He knew he couldn’t outrun it for long, and found a strawberry patch growing on his way. He decided that since he was inevitably going to be caught, he might as well enjoy the taste of one.
